The Semels are concerned about my health.
Lee Semel recently sent me the following emails.
EMAIL #1Dear Hilary,
Matt tells me you don't have insurance, and encouraged me to write to you upon this matter. I think not having insurance is a terrible state of affairs and will undoubtedly lead to tragic consequences. For instance, imagine you are on a
jumpology mission and land wrong on your butt, damaging it to the extent that you require a buttectomy, as well as an artificial butt replacement. These are known to be expensive medical procedures that can each run into the hundreds of thoudsands of dollars, especially if you want a top of the line robotic replacement butt with electronic controls. Therefore, I implore you to get insurance before this disastrous series of events has the chance to transpire.
Your friend,
Lee
EMAIL #2Hi,
Matt has implored me to continue to beseech you to get insurance. In that vein, I'd like to remind you of another horrific disease to which your demographic is particularly prone, called Camera Eye. This disorder occurs mainly in photographers, especially ones that take more than 90,000 pictures a year. It is a gradual deterioration of vision in the person's eye that they use for photography, the symptoms of which are the narrowing of their field-of-vision to a small, distant rectangle, the appearance of f-stop numbers on their cornea, and constant problems with dust on their eye. The only treatment is a complete corneal replacement and UV filter protective contacts, each of which costs tens of thousands of dollars. Until you get insurance, you are liable for these high costs associated with this dread disease! Hope this inspires you to get insurance. Have a nice day!
Lee
STORYHILARY, GET SOME HEALTH INSURANCE ALREADY
By Lee Semel
I had a photographer friend once, who did not have health insurance. "I don't make much money, and I've only got $25 to my name, so why pay all that money for health insurance? It's just a big waste!" One day, as he was walking down the street, he was surprised to notice that his foot was stuck in a subway grating. Frantically, he tried to pull it out, and with a 'pop', his leg fell off!
"That's a surprise," he thought, as he gazed bemusedly at his leg, still standing upright on the grate. "I didn't think legs could do that!".
He hopped around for a little while, trying to get someone to help him, but all the passers-by ignored him, assuming him to be some sort of street performer or Jehovah's Witness. He realized he would need to go for help.
Although his leg was still firmly stuck in the subway grate, he used a bicycle lock to tie his leg to the nearest lamp post, to prevent it from being stolen by any larcenous New Yorker who happened to come by with a hacksaw. Having secured the leg, he hopped down the street and hailed a taxi, which took him to the hospital.
After waiting several hours, and browsing several months-old rumpled magazines, he finally got to talk to a doctor. "Doctor, my leg has popped off! It's stuck in the subway grate on 18th and Park!" he announced. "Well, it'll cost $10 grand to reattach the leg. But since you don't have health insurance, I'm afraid all we can do is provide this metal pole which you can wear in its place. That will be $50." Sadly, he was $25 short. "I hear that legs go on the black market for $25. Why don't you sell the leg?" the doctor interjected helpfully.
Sadly, he hopped into cab, took it back to where the leg was still (luckily) chained up, borrowed a hacksaw from a nearby bike thief, cut out the sections of grate holding the leg in place, and took it down to the body parts district, where he sold it for $25.
Now he sports a shiny metal pole where his leg once was.
SO DON"T BE LIKE HIM, GET SOME HEALTH INSURANCE ALREADY!
